Hello! And welcome back. It’s me, Desiree’ Celeste!
I am writing these journal entries in hopes that they can help others to better understand the journey of micro dosing magic mushrooms. While I am writing these in real time, I will be waiting until my proposed 10 week cycle ends before publishing, in order to further protect myself. This journal entry is in no way meant to encourage others to micro dose magic mushrooms or partake in any illegal activity. I urge you to research the local and federal laws pertaining to psychedelic use of your area.
If you have not already read the EPILOGUE, please do so here:
My first dose was nerve wracking, I had ordered a scale, but it hadn’t arrived yet. I had to eyeball about 1/10 of the bag, assuming that one bag equaled one trip. I had been doing nothing but researching micro dosing for the previous week and still could not feel secure in what I was doing. I crumbled what I felt was the appropriate amount of stems and caps into my pot of filtered water, and set it on the stove. Fifteen minutes of boiling, and I poured the water and crumbled pieces into my adorable teal tea pot, along with some flavored tea. I sipped my tea, allowed the herbs and shrooms to cool, and then mashed them to the screen, trying to extract any medicinal properties it all may have had. I drank my delicious tea, which was raspberry black tea, and then looked out the window a while. The only thing that struck me was the depth and complexity of the colors of the grass, the sky, the trees. It was all so mesmerizing and beautiful.
I laid on the floor with meditate, windows wide open, feeling the cool breeze on my shoulders, listening to children play, cars pass. I felt tuned in, I felt I was part of the children playing and the grass they played upon. I felt inside my body and all around my body. But it was subtle. I didn’t feel overwhelmed or lost, I felt completely at ease and completely found. It wasn’t until I went for a drink of water that I caught a glimpse of myself in a mirror and realized that I felt any different. Despite feeling so different from normal, I hadn’t even recognized the change. When I looked in the mirror, I saw my reflection as someone else may see me. I appreciated myself as a stranger may, I longed for myself as a lover might, and I found strong familiarity in my features, as though I was my own family. I felt like it was my first time recognizing my own face.
I began settling into my own feelings and turned on some hilarious television to exercise my laughter.
My second dose was much easier for me. Though my scale arrived and I had ordered the wrong one! So, once again, I eye balled my shrooms into a pot of filtered water and boiled for 15 min. This time, I poured the shrooms into a muslin bag meant for loose leaf tea, and steeped in my cup alongside a tea bag until cool enough to handle, at which point I squeezed out the excess liquid from the shrooms and drank my cup. It was already a stressful day, with a lot of hurry up and wait. My anxiety kicked in and, instead of loving the colors and feeling connected to life around me, I only felt connected to my frustration within.
I was incredibly productive, though! I cleaned, cooked, did laundry, and painted a nice set of tea canisters to become both table art and vitamin containers. I felt creative and submerged in my feelings, all at once. I didn’t feel like my frustration and anger pulled my away from exerting creative energy and I didn’t feel like my frustration and anger put a damper on my creation. They walked side by side and I felt alive. And sweaty! By the time social time started, I had done more around the house in a few hours than I generally had done in a week!
I quickly centered myself once in my social situation and rather enjoyed my quiet, quality time with someone I care for. I was proud to show off how much I’d done and my fun projects that were conceived and completed in one day.
It was after this dose that I began to see how this experiment was changing my days in between dosing. I work a high stress, thankless job where my clients tend to be rude to me. I have felt how this work situation has made me more angry and people avoidant at work, and it’s made 40 hours of my week a burden. It was after this dose that I began singing at work again and speaking kindly to people who were not so kind to me. People I work with started asking me why I seemed so different, and I have been honest about this all from the beginning, in hopes that it will help others. I was astounded to see a change in my demeanor so quickly!
In Micro Dosing Journal: Chapters 3-4, I make quite the social break through and see how big of a difference this method has made.